tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15346857.post112451124340286287..comments2023-10-02T03:31:58.000-05:00Comments on Pink Shoes in the Pulpit: Quest for friendsPink Shoeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11296241924143424891noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15346857.post-1124740749978901032005-08-22T14:59:00.000-05:002005-08-22T14:59:00.000-05:00I think this may also vary a bit in a congregation...I think this may also vary a bit in a congregation with more than one clergyperson. The parishioner who becomes friends with you still has a pastor available. A clergy friend of mine handled this with same-age church members by saying, "Wow, this has become an important friendship to me. It would be very hard for me to be your pastor now, so I hope you will turn to Rev. Sr. Pastor if you have a need in that area." <BR/>My long-term predecessor served for 25 years and although he left seven years before I came, he is still socializing with members of my small congregation. I find that sad, and possibly unethical, although Lord knows they always mention it to me when they have seen him. It's made me very clear that these folks are not my friends and although when I leave there someday I will miss them, I will drop the ties, to show them it can be done. <BR/>Okay, now I'm sad. :-(Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15346857.post-1124727387388772742005-08-22T11:16:00.000-05:002005-08-22T11:16:00.000-05:00Is there a bit in the Bible about not being friend...Is there a bit in the Bible about not being friends with members of your congregation?<BR/><BR/>I'm sure doctors, lawyers, counsellors, etc. have similar problems - it may require tact, but you should still be able to be friends.<BR/><BR/>Otherwise why not befriend some atheists/muslims/buddhists/satanists?Larry Teabaghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08283701267147459665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15346857.post-1124714337747200422005-08-22T07:38:00.000-05:002005-08-22T07:38:00.000-05:00I've a couple of girl friends in the congregation ...I've a couple of girl friends in the congregation here: asked my training vicar's advice early on, and he said "Go for it" so I have...They are very scrupulous about asking for "The Curate" if they want me to be their pastor, or just Kathryn if it's gin and good company. Thus far it seems to work; my old vicar would never make friends in her congregations,and was such a sad and lonely soul as a result, as we were in a rural benefice and she hated driving...but she also gave me a good piece of advice about cherishing any non Christian, non Church friends, who stop you from taking yourself too seriously!Kathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09171138485811816831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15346857.post-1124677476334744822005-08-21T21:24:00.000-05:002005-08-21T21:24:00.000-05:00Good points, all. We are lucky to have a few folks...Good points, all. We are lucky to have a few folks we consider friends and good clergy confidantes to whom we can bitch about all those congregation things that only clergy really seem to understand.Pink Shoeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11296241924143424891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15346857.post-1124666825295637032005-08-21T18:27:00.000-05:002005-08-21T18:27:00.000-05:00I've always had some friends in the congregations ...I've always had some friends in the congregations I've served. In some ways, it's easier with church friends because you know there will always be a boundary--that you will be friends but never, probably, intimate friends. That there will always be things you cannot discuss. You can't gossip about other folks in the congregation. You can't bitch about your salary. You'll be on your good behavior, mostly. What has tripped me up is non-church friends with whom I thought the pastor thing would be a total non issue, only to have them suddenly and unexpectedly say, "How can a pastor think/do/say that?" I'd say the only folks I'm completely open with are other clergy and high school/college friends.Karen Sapiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01952041607368514856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15346857.post-1124581901686079622005-08-20T18:51:00.000-05:002005-08-20T18:51:00.000-05:00This is a hard one, especially since you are both ...This is a hard one, especially since you are both pastors *and* you have a small child. I would just encourage you to find a clergy group of some kind; I'm both happy and sad to say that most of my friends now are clergy.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.com