Gathering

For the past two weeks, the ELCA National Youth Gathering has been going on in San Antonio, TX. The first week over 15,000 students and chaperones (herd-riders? shepherds?) gathered and this past week over 25,000 did the same... I wasn't able to be there this time around, but from what I hear it went really, really well. And, from the snores rising from the couch right now, I'd say that most folks had a great time!

When I've attended in the past, both as a student and as an adult, it's been an amazing experience... I recognize that it's not a perfect system and that the costs involved are sometime prohibitive for churches to send students. However, the fact that 40,000 people come together to hang out with other Lutherans is pretty amazing.

So, here's my little bloggy shout-out to all who make such a happening happen:

To the kids for choosing to go and making the best of it once they are there -- for dancing in the aisles and on the floor, for smiling at strangers and striking up conversations, for moving outside of your comfort zone and for recognizing that they are part of the church, too.

To the adults who accompany them -- for taking time to make an impact on the kids and for allowing them to impact you, for spending nearly a week with too little sleep and too much sugar, for dancing in the aisles and on the floor, too, and for letting the experience mean something in your own faith life.

To the people who coordinate and organize this event -- whether you sold water or t-shirts, whether you made phone calls or mailed letter, whether you love your job right now or hate it, know that it means something to each person who goes, and that in some way, even if your name isn't on the billboard or even in the small print of the credits, what you did matters.

To Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson -- for preaching on Sunday morning and inspiring the next generation of pastors and church leaders, for dancing on stage and for simply being there.

To the congregations who sent the folks -- for supporting the fund-raisers and sending the kids with prayer and love, for welcoming them back and hearing their stories, and for ultimately allowing them all to be church as they grow in their faith and as their faith helps to shape yours. Together we are the church.

See ya in three years!

Haircut

I cut his hair today.
First hairct.
He looks so.
Grown.
Up.

I've tried posting a picture, but they keep coming up blurry. Hmmm...

Friday Five -Slight Edit

1. Grammatical pet peeve
As an English major I probably have many -- however, as someone who grew up with some interesting, colloquial language uses herself... well, see below.
My biggest pet peeve here? Probably poor spelling or the improper use of the apostrophe.

2. Household pet peeve
Hmmmm.... Leaving food on the counter after dinner instead of putting it away? Ooo.... actually, when my husband trims his beard and doesn't clean up (entirely) the "droppings."

3. Arts & Entertainment pet peeve (movie theaters, restaurants, concerts)
Crabby, snooty or inattentive servers, or on the other end of the spectrum, over-attentive, insecure servers. My DH and I have both waited tables in the past and have come to expect good service.

4. Liturgical pet peeve
Breaking the bread when saying the words "and he took bread and broke it" ... I was taught (drilled) that the words of institution are a remembrance, not a re-enactment. Not that how I learned or how I do it is "right" or that it really matters... :)

5. Wild card--pet peeve that doesn't fit any of the above categories
Driving pet peeve: People who don't use their blinker. My snotty response? "I think blinkers come standard on that model..."

Bonus: Because all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God: What do YOU do that others might consider a pet peeve?
As I indicated above, there are a couple of things that I say that probably make others shudder. I grew up saying things like, "Do you want to come with?" I've learned now to say, "Do you want to come with ME" or "Do you want to come ALONG?" Also, it's a regional thing, I've discovered, to say, "I'm going to go put gas ON the car" as opposed to IN the car, which seems safer, clearly, but ... well, some things are hard to break!

Kidlet

The ever-expanding vocabulary of my 14-month old amazes me... some words are pretty clear, but others I'm probably thinking that he says them. Some of my favorites, with accompanying actions:

He's big enough now to crawl into his stroller on his own, which he'll do randomly and then say, "Go. Go." When I ask him where he wants to go he says, "Buh-bye."

We're just now getting a lot of "what's this?" Sometimes he'll repeat the word back to you, or at least that's what I think he's doing. My mom's in town and she of course thinks he's brilliant.

By far his favorite word is ball. It's often the first word that he utters in the morning when I pick him up from his crib.

He still loves to play peek-a-boo, which we just call "Peek!" So it shocked me completely when he walked past me in a room the other day and when he turned around to come back in and see me, he said, "Peek-a-boo."

This kid really has me wrapped around his pudgy little finger!

Ends

I just wanted to say that I realize that the last two posts represent the ends at which I live my life... and most days I just hope to be in the middle.

Saturday morning

Because I stopped at the big-chain coffee shop this morning after getting some baked goods at the farmers market, I was reminded of the "The Way I See It" campaign on their coffee cups. I rather like it and it always makes me think about my own little "the way I see it" blurb, which I thought I'd share with you...
... I feel better about the world if I go to the market and buy something yummy. Today it was fresh blueberries, cranberry scones (without nuts!!!), and some beautiful sweet onions that I can hardly wait to grill.
... If I spent as much energy being productive as I do about worrying, I'd be amazing.
... Ok, I'm pretty amazing already. In a rare moment of clarity, I occasionally realize how much I actually do and how through the grace of God I'm even able to enjoy some of it.
... If a little bit of chocolate and red wine make me feel even better, who am I to complain or to fight it?
... The lifestyle that I idealize is actually just that -- no one sits at outdoor cafes in perfect weather sipping lattes or martinis all the time, so why should I pretend that it actually happens? If this is your lifestyle, please don't tell me.
... I have some pretty cool friends who do their best to keep me sane. Without them, well, I'd rather not think about that.

Health

I'm realizing, more and more, that being a pastor is about making decisions and sticking with them -- not second-guessing and doubting, but doing whatever it is that I'm doing with confidence. I know that could be applied to nearly everything in life... but it's where I'm at right now. I have a tendency to obsess about things -- you know, that late-in-the-night, can't-stop-thinking, bit...

I've made some decisions this past week and while I don't know how they will play out long-term, I know that they were what I had to do for my own sense of well-being and health. I don't like being so tired and on-edge that I snap at well-meaning parishioners when they ask me how I am. Two funerals and family in town on the heels of being away for church business for a week doesn't do a girl good, I've learned. And, yet, this is what pastors do -- when people die, we bury them. When people get sick, we visit them. When people have a problem and sit in our office, we listen and possibly refer. This is what I've been waiting to do, and now that I'm the only show around, it's what I'm doing.

A week ago I wrote about possibly feeling human sometime "next week." Perhaps that's a perpetual cry as a week has come and gone and I'm even farther away from recovering, but I don't believe that it has to be that way -- I don't believe that we're called as pastors, as mothers, as children of God, as people to run ourselves ragged so that others around us can be well. If I care for everyone around me but never for myself, how long will that model last? Not much longer is what I'm discovering. I knew this all along, knew it in my heart and wrote about it in my candidacy essays, but knowing something and living it out are two different things sometimes.

I live in an area where everyone is incredibly busy and over-programmed. I've said before that I want church to be a place where, kids particularly, can come and simply be, where they can rest in their faith and not have to do. I need to take my own words to heart and lead by example. I'm still learning. Still learning, for sure.

RGBP Friday Five

With the inevitable July 4th on the horizon, we respond to these questions...
1) Do you celebrate 4th of July (or some other holiday representing independence?)
Not with any great fervor or gusto .... we often travel or are with family over the holiday so that becomes a celebration.

2) When was the first time you felt independent, if ever?
This question is far too existential for me this morning...

3) If you're hosting a cookout, what's on the grill?
Not hosting... if we were -- chicken, burgers, corn on the cob, and my favorite grilling delicacy -- apples and cinnamon in a foil packet for dessert.

4) Strawberry Shortcake -- biscuit or sponge cake? Discuss.
Um, both ... either... whatever is available? More important to me is the presence of whipped cream...

5) Fireworks -- best and worst experience
Don't really have a bad experience -- two good ones stand out: National Youth Gathering, Dallas, TX, 1991. And, much later, being in a kayak in Lake Superior as the fireworks went off overhead. That was by far the coolest.

Family

One of the best things about living several states removed from family is that they sometimes come visit. This happens to be one of those weeks.

One of the hardest parts of being a pastor is that people die, and there's not a lot of warning when that happens. This happens to be one of those weeks.

I'm here, my posts might be few and far between this week, but I'm here.

Evening Ride

The circumstances could have been different, but the setting was perfect!




It made me miss the land of the lakes and the trees, especially this afternoon upon returning to the land of the cars and buildings.

Back

I think I'll start feeling like a human being again next week sometime. At least I hope so. It's a strange feeling to be "away" for much of a week and then re-integrate into life... Everyone else has been moving at a different pace and I'm trying to merge back into it.

I stopped at the office on my way home today -- to check voicemail, door messages, email. Things that would be easier to do today without the child than tomorrow with kid-in-tow. I didn't notice while I was there and it was happening, but as I was driving away I could tell that nearly all of the tension and freaking-out that I had lost this week has returning. In about a half hour.

It made me really sad and a little bit angry, and it made me wonder what to do about it. I'm still thinking -- maybe when I've gotten a good night's sleep I'll see a bit more clearly!

10 Things

I leave tomorrow for camp. It's a pretty good set-up in that I'll be working the whole week, but will also have large chunks of time to myself and won't actually be sharing a cabin with any kidlets. It's still a week away from my family, though, which I'm not thrilled about.

However ... here are 10 random (or not-so random) things that I've been thinking about -- comment while I'm away and keep leaving your music suggestions below!

1. I'd much rather eat ice cream for dinner (or breakfast or lunch for that matter) and leave the "real" food to someone else. Left to my own devices I did just that often and it worked out just fine.

2. My husband will watch just about any sporting event. He has his favorites, but in a pinch, he'll watch absolutely anything. Happy Father's Day!

3. This is the first June that I've worked as a pastor, even though I've been ordained for over two years. It's almost over and boy, am I glad.

4. I'm a really bad packer. Which reminds me that I still need to do that.

5. For a moment today I really loved this calling. That's more than it's been lately and for that moment I was glad to get a glimpse back at why I do this.

6. Sassy, not crabby. That's my hope for the coming week.

7. My family is burying my grandmother this week. The ground was too wet in April when she died. They're also cleaning out the farmhouse. I'm devastated that I'm not able to be there with them.

8. While I've established my husband's sports-watching tendencies, I'll admit that I was the only woman in the room at the bar watching the first US game of the World Cup on Monday, and I know who's playing for the Stanley Cup, which game of the series it is and where they'll play next, if necessary. It "helps" that the baseball teams that I cheer for aren't so good -- therefore necessitating interest in other sports...


9. I'll miss this little guy this week.

10. I have no idea where those curls came from, but I love them and everything else about him. (Well, except that screaming thing that he does occasionally and the stinky diapers aren't so fabulous either, but other than that...!)

Music recommendations, please...

On my way back to the office this afternoon I found myself dancing in my seat to Shakira's new song and thinking, "I should download this to my iPod so I can listen to it all-the-time." It also got me thinking, "Thank goodness there's no one around to see this dorky-lookin' white girl doing some bad car-dancing."

Which got me thinking that I should ask you, my dear readers, what music you can't get enough of these days... I've seen a few recommendations recently for the new Dixie Chick's... I've discovered Over The Rhine thanks to my blogger-friends... you've all been gems about books to read... So, here's the deal -- songs, songwriters, bands, solo artists, new, not-so-new, songs that make you want to hit repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat... bands that you have listened to for what feels like ever, or those you've just discovered... Let me know! I need to expand my musical repertoire... As I did with the books, I'll post a recommended listening list in a few days... ooooo... maybe I could even figure out how to make a list on iTunes... well, we'll see -- I am leaving for confirmation camp in a few days...!

Opportunity for Acronyms

Are you a YA with interest in the NCCC-USA or the CWS? Do you know what that means? Somtimes I feel like I'm about to come unglued with our use of acronyms -- a language that creates insiders and outsiders in the attempt to make communicating easier... Because let's be honest, it's a whole lot easier to say "the NCCC" than "the National Council of the Churches of Christ."

Regardless... Upon reading the latest issue of Ecu-Link, I discovered this really cool opportunity for 18-30 year olds (their definition, I guess of Young Adult)... the General Assembly (GA) of the NCCC and Church World Service (CWS) will be in Orlando in November ... They need "stewards" to do things like hospitality. All expenses, except personal, will be covered by the assembly, and you can download an application here.

It looks pretty cool... And, while you're at it, check out the general site, if you're into that whole ecumenical thing... :)

They also publish a yearbook of American and Canadian churches and this year's book focuses on the impact of the blog! Yearbook 2006: Postmodern Christianity: Emergent Church and Blogs, ed., Eileen Lindner.

Sleepless in ....

Ugh. That was my first thought when I woke up (again) and saw the time. 0430.

Now, I know that many people get up at this time regularly to go to work. I don't. I'm more of a 6:00 (via the Boy) or 7:00.... creeping toward 8:00 if for some fluke I'm home alone. Which, since the Boy, doesn't happen a whole lot. Regardless. This morning my body decided that 4:30 would be a good time to wake up... I had other ideas, but since my mind, and it's anxiety-ridden tendencies, took over at about 4:31, I figured I was up for good.

So, here are my questions (since the RGPB Friday Five hasn't been posted and I'm leaving for a two-day meeting shortly):

1. When you wake up in the middle of the night do you have trouble falling back to sleep?
Sometimes. Especially if I'm particularly worried about something.

2. Do you have any techniques that you use to fall asleep, either for the first time or again later?
Some meditation, occasionally warm milk, getting up and writing down whatever was bothering me.... these work if I do them.... that's a big if.

3. Do you fall asleep with some "white noise?" (radio, tv, fan...)
Nope... used to with the radio

4. Do you snore?
I don't think so, and I don't believe MDH when he says that I do, because I think he sleeps too soundly to know. He does snore, though!

5. What would be your ideal sleeping pattern, work/kids/etc not considered?
I'd go to bed between 11 and Midnight... waking between 7 and 8. That sounds very civilized to me.

See ya when I get back!

Sweet, sweet sweat

I'm not a runner. Not in the sense of... well, really, not in any sense. Though at one point in my life I was walking so much that my massage therapist *thought* I was a runner, which to me meant something. Secretly, I've always wanted to be a runner... I think mainly because I've always wanted to have really, really great legs... and runners often have them.

Two very good friends of mine and a host of acquaintances are runners... runners in the sense that they talk about how many miles in a week they run and how fast and how their toenails are doing and how often they buy new shoes and how many pair of shoes they rotate through. Maybe some of you are runners.

Well, tonight I ran. Jogged might be a better term, interspersed with walking. It was (embarassingly?) the second time that I'd attemped running since having a baby, with decidedly better results. The first time made me feel as if half of my body (the inner half) was moving in a different direction)... not a good feeling.

But tonight, after a meeting at work I came home, kissed my husband, peeked on my baby (how much longer do I get to call him a baby?) and headed out into the beautiful summer night. I make no promises about keeping this up (which I know and understand is key to being a runner), but it sure felt good tonight.

And now, I'm heading to shower. Because really, I stink.

Coolness Meme

With a hat tip to Will Smama, and Katherine, I really don't *feel* cool and have had some periods in my life when I was decidedly NOT cool... so given that, I've decided to play along... Without further ado, five reasons I think I'm cool (also known in my head as "things that make me smile on a crappy day"):

1) Even though I fainted each of the first three times that I tried to get my ears pierced, as well as countless times while having my blood taken, I gave birth without any pain medication. While on pitocin. Hear me roar. (Which isn't to say that anyone who chooses/has no choice in how they give birth isn't cool... to each their own, really.)

2) I grew up north of the Laurentian Divide, which means that for the entirety of my childhood the river that goes through the backyard was flowing north.

3) As a freshman in college a guy pointed out to me that I didn't really have much (any?) cartilege in the end of my nose. It's a great party trick.

4) I'm married to a brilliant man. Which makes my (few and far between) victories at chess, jeopardy, and trivial pursuit all the sweeter.

5) My first several airplane rides were in small planes. Really small planes. As in me-and-the-pilot small. Because of this, I've seen pens float off the 'dashboard' of an airplane and felt my legs go weightless. It's pretty thrilling when you're 9.

How about you -- what makes you cool?

Disappearing

Without going into un-necessary details, a crappy thing happened in the office this morning -- the kind of thing that makes me doubt my entire calling and the worth of the church around me; the kind of thing that makes me wonder if my pseudo-retired colleauge will ever leave; the kind of thing that made me so angry that I shook and then wanted to cry and then got angry with myself for being so close to tears and through it all wanted to slam my door and quite possibly break something; the kind of thing that has consumed me the rest of the day and made me very, very unproductive. It was a little thing really to have sucked so much of my energy.

I give thanks to the two friends who heard the inital force of my anger and frustration and sadness about what seems currently like a hopeless situation, but probably isn't.

Now, near the end of the day I find myself wanting to disappear. I joked with someone that if I showed up on their doorstep (several states away) to give me a drink (or six) and then tuck me quietly into the guest room and let me sleep until everything was all better. Ahem, nothing like a little avoidance.

Now, I crave the soft comfort of someplace familiar and gentle, someplace where no one will ask me questions and I won't be responsible for anyone or anything. I would simply like to disappear, resurfacing someplace else where things are calmer.

Are you from the church?

So, I had to go to the police station the other day to file a report on behalf of the congregation's assistance fund indicating check forgery. The bank requires a police report to proceed with the fraud insurance bit.
When I arrived at the station, all gussied up in my clergy shirt, snazzy pants and cute jacket, I explained to the desk folks why I was there. The nice officer explained that someone would be with me in a minute and motioned to the benches across from the desk; I was the only one there.
When the officers came out to get me (different ones than before), the first brilliant question they asked me: Are you from the church?
No, I wear this get-up for kicks. Of course I'm from the church.
I'm usually a bit more understanding, but when someone alters a check that a church wrote for assistance to get more money I become cynical and tired.

Walking away

I'm usually not so melodramatic.
But as he walked away from me yesterday, before we went out to play in the little turtle pool, I couldn't help but think that this wasn't the last time that I'd see him walk away.
Good grief, I love this little guy -- checkered-swimsuit-covered bum and all.

Yep, that's me! Thoughts on Why I'm a Lutheran

I've been thinking about Lutheran Zephyr's question for awhile, and finally got around to responding.

I'm one of those born-and-raised-and-never-really-left-the-church kind of Lutherans. I'm not sure how I feel about that (it feels a little boring, to be honest) but since I'm now a pastor married to another pastor, I'm guessing that it will probably remain that way.

Sure, there was a brief time in college when I was dating a boy who thought the whole church idea was kind of hoo-ey, and so I defended him to my parents (mom, mostly, as she was the one who brought it up) and heard myself saying something like, "You know, you don't have to go to church to be a good person." I'm sure we were folding clothes or something equally hand-consuming at the time and she averted her eyes, probably thinking, "This is what I get for letting her go to a STATE SCHOOL instead of that nice, private Lutheran school with the exorbitant tuition." Yeah, I'm sure that's what she was thinking as she nearly said as much.

My dad's family: pillars of a small Lutheran congregation that is part of a small, small branch of Norwegian Lutheran churches that never joined ANY of the mergers during this past century. My mom: grew up Methodist, though we have always gone to the Lutheran church, if only because there wasn't a UMC church around where we lived after I was born. We always went to church; it was just something that we did. Folks think that because I grew up in Minnesota that everyone around me was a Lutheran. But my part of the state was far more Catholic than Lutheran.

My husband is the one who did a fair bit of wandering during college (even leaving the heart of the midwest for The East, surely tempting fate) and whose parents were s-h-o-c-k-e-d when he said he was heading to seminary. Even though his family has been Lutheran for a good long time, he had denounced the entire kit and kaboodle (probably to make his mom mad, but who am I to judge?). So, I guess surprise at the, "I'm going to seminary instead of graduate school to further pursue my major" was appropriate.

Being a Lutheran and articulating my understanding of The Confessions (isn't that a candidacy question at some point?) for me is all about grace, about what Jesus did for me, about the radical idea that through our baptism we are adopted into the God's Family, and the abundant and freely given gift of God's love that we share around the table. I simply love the power of the sacraments as means of God's grace: celebrate them honestly, gather frequently, share the Good News, and live with the knowledge that, sinner though you are, you are a dearly beloved child of God.

Devotions

I have a hard time "doing" personal devotions. Either I'm in too much of a rush or I forget or because I'm a pastor I think I have to do them which feeds into my whole thing about expectations and what I'm supposed to do. But all that aside, I've never gotten into a regular habit of devoting. I write them, I like to look at them in bookstores and on my own shelves, thinking, "hmmmm.... that would be a good idea."

And then a couple years ago I led a women's retreat. As we talked about prayer and My Friend the Speaker pointed out that it can happen anywhere-anytime, even doing the most daily of things, I realized that I do devote.

I start almost every morning by checking my e-mail and reading a few precious blogs. They aren't all overtly Christian. Some of them make me laugh, others cause me to tear up on occasion. Regardless, in my own way I lift these people up in prayer as I read. I remember them through the day and carry them with me. If I'm preaching and have read the texts for the coming week, I often find bits of the Gospel in what they have written, tucking those pieces away as food for my soul.

This works for me. What works for you?

Exhaustion

Sundays, not surprisingly, are days of extreme tiredness for most pastors. The pastors who then go into the office Monday morning are few and far between in my circle of colleauges. Perhaps they nap and recharge Sundays. Perhaps they are able to finish their sermon before Friday (er, Saturday night) and therefore if they were to take the other logical day as a Sabbath, would actually be able to rest that day, instead. I, on the other hand, know that the week is rare (non-existent?) in which I would have something ready-enough to be able to rest on Friday.

All of that having been said, today is one of an intense tiredness for me. We bid my colleague Godspeed and Farewell this weekend; after a beautifully long ministry career, he's retiring. It has been a weekend of many tears, much laughter, celebration and held-breaths. For all of the times when I willed the tears away and smiled so nicely and answered people's (stupid) questions, my body has absorbed the energy and now it has disappeared. In no way was it about me (except that I'm staying and he's going) and yet I have felt unable to cope with even the smallest tasks this evening.

I'm tired and feel that it is an exhaustion that goes beyond the relief of a good night's rest. My fear is that with the transition in front of me, any sense of rest will be slippery at best in the coming days, weeks and months.

Complicated Friendship

I have no idea why P. came to mind tonight.

We haven't spoken directly in well over a year, the circles of our lives once again drifting away from each other's rotation -- he has moved out of local calling range and did so without me knowing. I got a voicemail on my cell phone last fall with an update of his life and I didn't return the call, but have kept the message all this time, renewing the save-time every 21 days as the message comes up "marked for deletion." I listen to it begin and don't want to lose it, so I push 9 and hear, "This message will be saved for 21 days" in that electronic voice.

When our friendship began, we were part of the same Small Town where we went to high school. Through college and then grad school we kept in spotty contact -- and then we were living in the same Big City, which was surprising (OK, shocking)as most people from Small Town don't leave that area, let alone the state.

Still calling him a friend when we haven't spoken in so long feels a little weird. Yet I can't imagine calling him anything else. Our lives have taken us in such different directions. We have made decisions that have at best irritated and in reality angered the other. We have spent hours that would add up to weeks, maybe months, talking on the phone in our relationship. We frustrate each other and we skip the quotidian, building on years and years of deep conversation.

There is a level of comfort that comes from the idea of this kind of relationship and perhaps tonight, in my exhaustion, I am clinging to the simplistic remembrance of it.

Digging

I spent some time, a few weeks ago, weeding a flower bed in our backyard. Last year I didn't do any of that and some thistles went to seed, leaving me with more thistles than I really knew what to do with this spring. But, I did know that if I didn't do something sooner rather than later the whole yard would be taken over. So, on that day I cut down and pulled out and did some basic clean up. It felt good, but I knew that I'd have to get back in the dirt.

That happened tonight. We went to the big-box home improvement store and I bought some flowers for the planters and some potting mix and some tools that would help me extract the thistle roots and some gloves that would protect me from them.

It felt good to get back into the dirt, to dig and claw around and pull and see the worms and smell the dirt. I know this won't be the last time that I have to pull at the roots, but for now the beds are clear... my clothes are dirty and my arms will hurt a bit in the morning, but for it sure felt good.

Quick read and reading in general

After my last post, I've struggled to write something else -- that post came to being as a journal page to be used in conjunction with some digital photos (OK, ok, I'll say it's going to be part of a digital scrapbook layout, but I'm such an amateur that I hesitate to even use that word in conjunction with me.... so I prefer to say that I'm "making pages." semantics. whatever.) -- and I felt the need to post it here.... Thanks to all who read it and left such heart-felt words.

So, here's the follow-up post.... A book I finished recently... "Madame Mirabou's School of Love" by Barbara Samuel. It still has me thinking. I'm not claiming that it's a fine piece of literature, but for a book that I finished pretty quickly and would be the perfect companion for a bubble bath and a glass of wine, it's pretty good. I get most of my books from the library, used book sales (usually at the library), and garage/rummage sales. I read really fast and a lot, so the investment -- even at discount stores would be astronomical -- and I like the idea of supporting the library. When I read a book that I really like and that I want to share with others, I buy copies of it at used sales and keep them on hand to give away. "A Prayer for Owen Meany" by John Irving was that book for a long time. Now it's "Peace Like a River" by Leif Enger; I can't resist sharing it and promoting the author. Evangelism at its most basic.

Pictures

She died. And, as childish as it sounds to say that, I need to say it because I’m finally crying.

Yeah, I cried when I first got the call, and again when I had to call the airline to buy an over-priced plane ticket and “state the relationship of the deceased.” No, it wasn’t that cold, but it might as well have been.

And then I didn’t cry. I flew and held my child and had lunch with my in-laws and received hugs and cards and hugged my nieces and nephew and slept and woke and went to church and swam in a pool and walked around The Farm and picked up a color-card and kicked aside the flies and the mouse turds and took pictures of the chicken coop and looked at the horizon and wrote a sermon and preached it and accepted the “well-dones” from well-meaning relatives. But I didn't cry.

And before we pulled away from the apartment building and waved good-bye out the window I took a falling-apart photo album made in the days before acid-free anything back to the hotel with me and as gently as I could I ripped out the pictures of me and my brother and my mom and my aunt and my grandma and my great-grandma and a lot of other people who are no longer living, who are dead, and I slipped them into an envelope "to do something with" when I get a chance and I threw the album pages and cover away in the dinky hotel garbage can.

And I flew back and greeted a college acquaintance on the plane and cleaned up my child’s vomit and went back to work and at night rocked my sick child and then took off my shoes and socks while I preached again and we survived Easter and everything that means for a pastor whose grandmother has died and we moved zombie-like through the days and got sick and moved along and I smiled when I told people again and again, “She was 96 … an amazing woman … lived on The Farm most of her life … stubborn Swede … she had a stroke … still living alone … amazing woman.” And I meant every word and I still didn’t cry.

Until tonight. I sat at the bar in our living room with the pictures that I had taken out of the album spread before me and saw the legacy of these women … Grandma's handwriting on the backs … strong … stubborn … rooted to the farm … amazing women. And I cried. Finally, I cried.

Coming out of my shell a bit

I've recently started leaving comments on blogs that I read regularly -- not a lot, but a few, sprinkled here and there... I feel like I'm testing the waters... It's just so weird and vaguely play-groundesque -- what if someone thinks my comment is stupid? And the irrational thoughts spiral from there, none that are blogworthy, but they're there.

I was at a training today and one of the aspects of leadership that we talked about was the people who surround you. Who are the people you turn to, professionally and personally? As a pastor this is a difficult and oh-so important facet of my life that I've largely ignored. I was pleased to be able to write down a number of people who I feel I can turn to for a variety of things, and if push came to shove many of them could serve as MY pastor in addition to being a friend or a mentor or an accountability partner. However, when it came to the "friends outside the ministry" category, my list was woefully small. Ok, I was hard-pressed to come up with a single person who isn't either: another pastor/ministry professional or a member of either my congregation or my husband's congregation.

I know that leaving comments on people's blogs won't really garner me a whole lot of friends who live around the block with whom I can go shopping! But this virtual community has certainly sustained me in a way that I never thought possible when I took my first call.

Other thoughts that I had today? Sign up somehow, somewhere (community education? parks and recreation?) for a photography class. Find a book group that meets over lunch so that I don't have to be away from home another night during the week.

In love

Many of my posts regard the love-hate relationship that I have with my congregation and my calling.

However, I just uploaded some pictures of my son that we took this afternoon to my computer and I have to say ... I'm completely and totally in love.

I feel like such a mush when I gush about him -- but I think he's truly fabulous. He's almost a year old and while there have certainly been times when I've been exhausted (I went back to work when he was 8 weeks old) and crazy, I love the (not-so) little guy so much I can hardly stand it most times. In love. In love to the point of standing over his crib several times an evening just to gaze at him (mind you he went to sleep by about 5:45 tonight and will most likely sleep until 0600 or 0630).

All this coming from someone who first wasn't so sure that she wanted a kidlet. All this coming from someone who when "it" didn't work again and again and again thought that it might be OK not to have children. All this coming from me. Wow.

He called me a secretary

And then an assistant pastor when I (gently) corrected him
But gave me home-made puff pastries with chocolate frosting and eclairs in return -- is it wrong to think, at least for the moment, that it wasn't such a bad trade? My goodness, I'm a sucker for a sweet.

Amazed and a Couple of Questions

Sometimes I'm absolutely thrilled with how much I can get done -- new shoes for and pictures of Baby Boy, a trip to the library, a trip to Costco, naps all around, laundry done... And other times, I'm completely shocked at how paralyzed I can be about simple tasks -- making phone calls and cleaning coffee cups (I did this at the office this morning -- yea me!) and mailing reminders and the list goes on.

My questions revolve around discernment for leaving a place -- those of you who have been through a call or two or six, how did you determine that it was time to go? And, is it possible for people to see someone with fresh eyes? As in, after nearly two years in a call, if some folks don't see me as a pastor, will they ever?

Thanks!

It's Over

Overwhelmingly, that's how I feel about this morning.
It's over! Whew!
I occasionally preach without a full manuscript but rarely preach with nothing written down. When that happens, I at least have thought through (obsessively) about how the sermon will go -- ie, what I'll start with and how it will end, hoping that the Holy Spirit gets me through the middle.
My creative edge came today through having people in the congregation volunteer to read summaries of scripture verses about the resurrection. I talked (preached?) a bit in between the readings and when all was said and done I had taped the pieces of paper together to form the image of a person -- emphasizing the humanity of Christ and the fleshy-ness from today's Gospel.
And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.
There were some things that I could have done better -- had tape already rolled and lined up, pre-selected the readers, actually thought about what I was going to say... but, before I watch the tape and nit-pick the work of the Spirit to pieces, let me share two things that I thought were pretty cool:
1. People laughed and actually were involved
2. It wasn't just adults who volunteered to read -- high schoolers, elementary schoolers and middle schoolers all read -- with no prompting from me. To hear the second grader read in front of the whole congregation absolutely melted my heart.
Who knows what I'll hear, if anything, from folks in the coming week, but for now I'm just glad it's over!

Behold! Something new!

I often preach using unconventional ways -- or at least I try to do things with a tinge of creativity -- sometimes.
Tomorrow I'm doing something that I've never done before and that I've never seen done before.... and I'm scared, in that nervous fluttery way. If it works, it'll be really stinkin' cool. If it doesn't work? It'll stink, though not literally.
I'll let you know how it goes, but for now, I'm just nervous.

Blessings

As RevEm has tagged me, and I get so excited about being tagged, and after my whiny post this afternoon, I figure I should reflect a bit on the blessings... So, in no particular order, 10 Blessings...

1. Most things blogg-y: writing, reading, leaving the occasional comment, receiving comments, obsessively checking my sitemeter....

2. My family and their amazing ability to make me laugh

3. Coffee

4. The simple fact that there's a roof over my head and money to pay the bills

5. Friends

6. Books to read

7. A sunny day with a hint of warmth

8. Music

9. Having people in my life who get the potentials of church and who in small ways get me.

10. Other women in ministry who support each other

I tag... YOU! Really, if you'd like to play, please -- play! It's always good to recount our blessings!

Don't Wanna

I don't wanna ...
... talk about the newsletter (because I'm secretly not sure if anyone reads it)
... write my sermon (because even though I love this passage, I'm for some reason tired of it)
... clean my office (because it's relatively clutter free at the moment, therefore not a valid procrastination technique or distraction)
... buy the wedding present that I have to buy before Saturday (because I want to be creative and buy something that's not necessarily on the registry, but I know that's what I'll end up doing because I have not one good idea)
... shop for jeans (because even though I really only have two pair that fit me, I'm not in a particularly good place with my body ... which makes for disastrous bottom-shopping)
... try to be positive or discern or figure out what the heck is going to happen in the next year (because there are just too many variables to think clearly)
... do much of anything that's productive (because ... well simply because!)

This started out to be an "I don't wanna" and then I decided that I should take the time to figure out why I was so whiny.

Checked Out

Warning, or at the very least, FYI: This will be a random post, unified by the above words or some conjugation of them.

1. After the stress and the tension surrounding Holy Week (I know, I know, it's over) and a funeral and staff transitions and sad circumstances in the parish, I find myself checking out in the middle of things -- meetings, while driving, meetings that I'm facilitating. I'm thinking a lot about boundaries and how to set them or re-establish them. Discernment questions: How do you know when it's time to leave a call? Is it possible to re-shape congregational culture? If yes, to what extent?

2. Small blessing in the chaos of my: I forgot to pick up a prescription for my Baby Boy before I retrieved him from the Best Daycare Ever. Dear Husband is out of town and I decided it would be a good idea to pick up said script on my way to my meeting tonight, with my child. Thinking it would be a quick in-out deal, I clearly didn't factor in things like: prime-time for shopping at the grocery/pharmacy combo platter and hence a line. Blessings in all of this? The man in front of me in line let me go ahead of him, as my son laughed and giggled and clapped and as I checked out, the pharmacist held the receipt so I could sign my life away in the name of clear skin.

3. Quick romantic read of the week that I checked out from the library? The latest from Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Match Me If You Can. I started and finished it Sunday night and it proved to be the perfect way to wind down after the weekend.

4. I had lunch with another pastor. We know each other in that professional way that comes from being at similar meetings and moving in the same general circles. It was nice -- a good opportunity to get to know her better. Startling moment? On my way out of the restaurant, a guy sitting at the bar checked me out. Steady eye contact, I looked away, looked back, he's still looking, the whole bit -- without the obviously disconcerting up-and-down once-over. Now that was a surprise!

Color Card

Tomorrow is Thursday and it will have been two weeks since my grandma died. The days since her funeral truly feel like a blur as Holy Week has come and gone along with assorted illnesses in my family. Many details of the past two weeks float unattached to days or times. I know that I had dinner with my mom's cousin, randomly, but I have to stop to think exactly what day that would have been, working backward to affix it to a time within anything else. There were flights and well wishes and worship that in some senses blend together beautifully -- a triduum that flows in my memory without fits and starts.

There's still a lot of "stuff" in the farmhouse, some of it "stuff" with memories attached. When she moved to her apartment a few years ago, most of the actual things in the house went with her. What's left is random, of little value, and some is simply garbage -- empty jars and paper plates and magazines from the 1970s.

My family went out to the farmhouse during that nebulous time when I was home. My nieces climbed the steep steps and proclaimed them scary. Many of us shed tears there that we hadn't or didn't shed elsewhere. We poked around and opened closets and brushed away dead flies and breathed stale air.

I was alone for a moment or two in what had been her bedroom. In a dresser that was otherwise empty save the drawer liners, I found a color card -- one of those strips of colors from the hardware store to help you choose paint. The colors were reds and on the back were notations indicating amounts. I don't know completely why, but I slipped it into my pocket and now I carry it with me. I know that it was my grandmother's and that's enough. It's something to hold, to remember, to remind.

Baseball

In these days of Eastertide (OK, so there have only been a couple), I'm almost afraid to think about church. There are many things that I put off until "after Easter" and that time has come. So, like any good little procrastinator, I'm sitting at home with a lovely cup of coffee and a scone, and blogging. I'm justifying this partially out of frugality, ie, if I'd left for work without eating/having coffee I would have stopped to have said breakfast. And, after paying our taxes yesterday (why, oh why, did *that* have to fall this weekend, too??), we are readily aware of our cash situation.

However, I titled this entry baseball, and with a reason.

I love baseball. Not in the way that my husband does -- obsessed with statistics, knows quirky details about players (and owners and managers and farm teams) -- but in a simple, wholesome, I really like the game sort of way.

I've had the good fortune over the past few years to live within a short distance of a minor league team. The team has changed as we've moved around, but the distance has remained close. These minor league games are great fun and provide an evening of entertainment for usually less than a movie. The players are there because they really love the game. There are mascots. There are entertaining games between innings that often involve said mascots. Occasionally there's a scout or two in the stands, or a former "big name" player whose kid is on the field. I never recognize these people, but my husband is quick to point them out to me, and we marvel from afar.

It's sunny out today and that has me thinking about baseball. It has me thinking about summer. It has, momentarily, distracted me from thinking about church.

*Note: While this is more about my love of the game than the actual game itself, there is another Lutheran blogging about baseball -- more regularly, intelligently and concisely than I do! Check out the Lutheran Zephyr. He's a Phillies fan, but that's OK.

Good Friday

Confession time:
I don't really like Good Friday worship.

I love the day, what it stands for, cling to the theology of the cross instead of a theology of glory, but worship on this day does little for me. Even as a pastor. Maybe especially as a pastor.

Last year I took the challenge to preach this day -- because I knew it would be a challenge and I hoped it would give me something ... some insight as to why I pull away from this day ... some appreciation for the corporate worship of the day ... something. And, while I was more exhausted and a little more high strung because of my status as preacher, I can't say that it enhanced my appreciation for worship.

I am waiting for something, someday to move me out of my from-a-distance observance of Good Friday. I don't want some fancy-schmancy passion play, some over-dramatized portrayal of what happened so long ago. Maybe some simple words with a mournful instrument. Whatever it is, it will have to sneak past my (internal) hyper-critical stance.

Little things

I'll be honest and say that at this point in the week, there are more things going wrong than right. I'm not trying to be overdramatic, and I don't really want to get into details to make people feel sorry for me. I trust somehow that everything will work out and that come Monday, I'll pay our taxes and Jesus will have risen and we all will have eaten our fill of chocolate and ham (though not at the same time) and there might be a wine bottle or two fewer behind the bar, but I will be glad that it's "over." Until Tuesday morning, of course, when everything that I've put off until "after Easter" will have to get done.

What's the little thing that has made me happy today?

I got a new stapler.

It's standard issue Swingline. It's tan and heavy and very, very practical. I trust that I won't have to drop it from up high to dislodge the pieces from their stuck-together state and then spend an obscene amount of time figuring out how to put everything back together, including that squirrely little spring that rolled away.... Regardless.

I got a new stapler. And, during this week, I've decided that I'm taking what I can get.

Books to Read

Many thanks to all who weighed in on the "What should I read next?" post below... For my own sake I thought I would compile them... and since I did that, I figured I could share the compiled list (along with some of my own notes, in purple) with everyone...
Enjoy!

A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving (This is one of my all-time favorite books; I will buy copies at used-book sales just to have on hand to give to people.)
Crossing to Safety - Wallace Stegner (It's on my shelf, just waiting to be read...)
Travelling Mercies - Anne Lamott (one of my favorites)
The Small Rain & A Severed Wasp - Madeleine L'Engle
A Place on Earth - Wendell Berry

The Necessary Beggar by Susan Palwick
The Sparrow - Mary Doria Russell (This and two of her other books "Children of God" and "A Thread of Grace" have been pivotal in my life. I really, really recommend them to other readers... As St. Casserole commented, The Sparrow could be subtitled "Jesuits in Space.")
Unless - Carol Shields
Jan Karon books. (I have read them.... and in all of their corniness, they continue to be one of those guilty plesures, like I imagine Esther Bollick's cake to be. In the most recent book, Cynthia describes Father Tim's newest church as her favorite, saying, "Because it's so hungry and imperfect." It's an image of the church that I've been chewing on for awhile now.)

The Merrily Watkins mystery series by Phil Rickman.
Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro
The Peabody Sisters, Megan Marshall

The Death and Life of Charlie StCloud.-Ben Sherwood
*The Year of Yes- Maria Hedley (I read this recently and wanted it to go on... In fact, I wanted to move to that town and be friends with the people.)

Despite the falling snow-Shamin Sarif
Life After God, Hey Nostrodamous, or Eleanor Rigby all by Douglas Coupland
"A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian"
"The Map of Love" by Egyptian woman author Ahdaf Soueif.
The Secret Life of Bees (Stunning story)

Mermaid Chair
The Blue Castle, by LM Montgomery
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time,
Pride and Prejudice and the Princess Bride (Classics)

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
Amazing Grace by Kathleen Norris (I've always thought this would make a great small group study book)

Possession by A.S. Byatt
Looking for Mary by Beverly Donofrio –
Telling Secrets by Buechner
I heard Buechner speak a few years ago and he was amazing; I vowed to read some of his fiction at that point, but sadly haven't (yet).

Some authors...
Diane Mott Davidson
Susan Wittig Albert
Madeleine L'Engle
CS Lewis
Susan Howatch (Church of England books)
Diana Gabaldon (Outlander books)
Barbara Kingsolver (She's such an amazing writer)
Jane Green
Julia Quinn (Bridgerton series)

What have we missed?

She Rests in Peace

It has been nearly 3 weeks to the day since my grandma had a severe stroke.

She died early this morning.

This is the end that we knew would come, and it has come quickly.

For her life and for her witness, her stubborn roots and her legacy, her red-and-white checked curtains and her bright yellow bathroom, her marigolds and her rhubarb, for so many things that I cannot even articulate, I give thanks.

Thanks be to God.

Reading Recommendations Requested

Going to the library is one of my favorite things to do on Mondays (typically my Sabbath). It's one of my favorite things to do almost anytime, but Monday is when it usually happens. We have a great library in our community and on relatively warm days our house is within walking distance.

My usual modus operandi at the library is to scan the new fiction, then the new non-fiction, picking up titles by authors I know or publishing houses I respect. I can usually walk away with at least 2-3 books doing this. Sometimes while I'm at the library I'll remember a book someone recommended or that I read about.

I read a lot. I was an English major and have always been the kid who stayed inside on a warm sunny day to read a book. I like fiction that reads like a memoir, actual memoirs, books that teach you about something while telling a really good story (but not preachy, moralistic books), semi-trashy romance novels (though usually not the historical variety).

I loved "The Time Traveler's Wife" and read it in an afternoon. I don't mind what a lot of people call "fluff" as long as there's a story to it and they aren't trying to sell something. And, despite the fact that I am a pastor, I usually avoid anything overtly religious (unless it's for work, then it's pretty hard to avoid that whole God thing).

So, dear readers, what should I read? Recommendations? Your top 5 books? The book you recommend to everyone? The ones you've read over and over again? Please, tell!

A little somethin' about spirituality

I remember the first time I called my mom after an appointment with my Spiritual Director. I was bursting with the excitement that comes for me when "things" are coming together and someone is guiding me and there's hope in the future and peace about the past and I'm resting solidly in the grace that I cling to as a Lutheran.

There was silence on the other end of the phone. "Your what?" Mom asked tentatively, not wanting to upset the somewhat fragile mother-daughter balancing act.

"Well, Mom, she's someone I'll see once a month and we'll talk about issues related to the church and my ministry, what it all means; she'll sort of be like a pastor for me."

"Oh. Uh-huh. Of course. Is she Lutheran?"

"No, she's Catholic; she's a nun."

"Oh. Well, that's interesting."

Which translates to: I have no idea what else to say about that Dear Daughter so I won't say anything else at all!

There's nothing specifically "Lutheran" about having a spiritual director. However, there appears to be something new (or re-newed) about paying attention to our spirituality. While we have always professed that we are saved by grace through faith apart from works, we haven't always been very good at living that out or paying attention to what it means without cheapening it and using it as the easy way out.

Having someone in my life to hold me accountable to living fully in God's amazing gift of grace is incredibly important, lest I forget and start measuring my worth as a pastor (person?) by how many people were at the Bible study or the comments people make after the sermon or whether I get to preach or not. First and foremost, I am a child of God -- washed in the waters and fed at the table and sent forth to bear the message of God's redeeming love to the world. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering that.

Planet Pink Shoes

Per the RevGalBlogPals Friday Five Meme... but really, who can stop at five favorite things with this? If you haven't played, join in the fun!

From Songbird:
"I began to envision a store selling all my favorite things, probably in the kind of house I lived in as a child, one of those late 19th-century houses with a long hallway on the side and double parlors on the other, with windows to the floor facing the front porch. ...

Name five things that would be on the shelves of Planet [Pink Shoes]."

Welcome to Planet Pink Shoes, where hospitality is key and people are welcomed with a smile and a greeting designed to inspire warmth and comfort. On hot days there's fresh lemon water on the porch with some cookies for nibbling while you relax and on cold days there's tea and cocoa and coffee to warm your hands as your spirit is swaddled by the people you encounter and the things that surround you.

You'll find on these shelves books that make you think and in which you can get lost for hours -- books that I've read and can recommend without hesitation; guides to the local area, fiction that makes you laugh out loud and wipe tears from your cheeks, memoirs that invite you into the person's life and theology that meets you where you are and challenges you to leave that place of sedentary comfort.

There's a fine assortment of accessories: baubles and doo-dads that can hang from your ears or around your neck, scarves that bring life to your wardrobe and when wrapped with beautiful paper present as gifts extraordinaire -- if only for yourself.

Boldly-colored, vintage-styled kitchen linens and cloths for your tables, bathroom, picnics and baskets to hold them all and in which to pack food. Things that look just as special and good at home as they do in the store.

Paper -- single sheets of pretty paper, matching envelopes, cards that have just the right expression, pieces to use for your own projects and pens that make writing letters and cards a joy and a delight again.

Bowls -- Deep, round ones that invite ice cream sundaes, shallow ones for apple crisp or berry tarts with sauce and cream, wide ones for soup and oversized ones for popcorn and snacks.

Please, enjoy your stay!

A few of my favorite things, part 2

It's hard to believe that two weeks ago I was getting off a jet plane and entering vacation-land. Though my destination was not what most would consider a tropical or a "destination," it ended up being warm and fabulous. I blogged when I got back about my favorite things from the extended weekend. Two weeks removed I'm feeling a bit hrumpfy as I gaze out at the gra/ey and snowflakes falling on this, the 23rd of March. So, without further blabbing, some random favorites from the past two weeks -- to cheer myself, if nothing else!

A baby who sleeps through the night (usually) ... friends visiting from out of state ... glimpses of sunshine ... wee-hour chats ... being told I have a great laugh ... 12 women at "my" Bible study ... being able to have dinner with my husband ... a (relatively) clean (for now) desk ... dreaming of moving ... a compiled CD of favorite music at my office ... shipments of books on their way .... finishing our taxes for the accountant ... knowing deep down that everything will be OK ... cleaning out files ... a dog who didn't get sick from eating my fancy chocolate (although I was might angry) ... smiling and sighing ... a festive gathering ... having a clean house (momentarily, and if you don't look too closely) ...

What are your recent favorites?

Happy birthday?

Strangest birthday greeting I've maybe ever received... from the dealership where we bought our most recent car (last fall):

"Please remember to call me if you have any questions regarding any of your vehicle needs. For that matter, call for any reason, after all, it is your birthday!"

How very, very strange and unexpected.

Oh, well, thanks CarGuy!

Public v. private

At my church the prayer petitions for the congregational prayers are printed in the bulletin and if anything new comes in after they're printed, they're announced before prayers are offered. The petitions go on for pages (and are lifted up silently during worship) and I'm of at least two minds aobut the whole thing -- it's an amazing witness to how people feel about prayer and the sense of collective community that shares one another's burdens; however, it's a fine line between "community information" and community "concerns."

That being said, I rarely list prayer petitions.

Late this past week my grandmother had a severe stroke. She's almost 97 and before this has been remarkably healthy. I don't know if she'll recover and if she does, what her life will be like.

Sunday morning came and I didn't list her or my family in the prayers (my dear colleague was doing the pray-ing).

I thought about it a lot, but for some reason I didn't want everyone asking and expressing their concern -- I guess I did it partially out of self-preservation and partially out of the need to be private somehow.

While I have a fairly realistic perspective on the end of her life, she's still my grandma, and when she dies it will be hard. At the core of my actions (or in-action) was the sense that I didn't need/want to be repeatedly reminded of that reality by well-meaning parishioners on a Sunday morning.

So much of our lives as pastor are public that I sometimes unnecessarily cling to or make things private that maybe don't need to be or shouldn't be.

Do I need to open myself up to their (my congregation's) care and concern? I could hardly list a prayer concern with the asterisk "she really doesn't want to talk about this; please pray quietly for her from far away," although that's what I would want to do.

Thoughts?

Pretty things. Sighs. The unexpected. Prayers.

With a hat-tip to Will Smama, I present this blog in this format.

Pretty things.
I find myself gravitating toward them. I received several fun and pretty things for my most recent birthday and I love them all... beautiful chocolates and a hand-painted martini glass among them. It feels self-indulgent to intentionally surround myself with pretty things when the world can be so ugly to so many people, but in the face of such ugliness, beauty helps us survive.

Sighs.
Shared sweetness. Sometimes there's so much to say and so few words with which to say it. The sighs speak where words don't dare and when voices aren't able.

The unexpected.
For the first time in my life I was involved with calling the police because I thought someone would do harm to themselves. I anticipated that at some point in my life as a pastor I would do this; it almost goes with the territory. However, I never expected that it would happen between services on a Sunday morning.

The prayers.
For the woman who didn't want to go home, who couldn't imagine being part of this world anymore, and who is the victim of a sad cycle of abuse.
For my grandmother in ICU hundreds of miles away; recovery from a severe stroke at the age of 96 seems unlikely.
For those whose lives have ended and for those whose lives have just begun.

Even-keeled

This is how someone described me this morning, as in an even-keeled presence. I wasn't offended by the description, but it's stuck with me. I'm trying to figure out if it's another term for "boring."

I've worked with people before who I definitely would not describe as even-keeled -- and I know that I don't want to be the type of person (pastor) who is unpredictable and moody. I have seen the reaction of sweet parishioners as a colleage rushes past them (not in my current setting), nearly out of control. I don't want that to be me. Certainly I have my moments when everything is rushing about me and I do want to scream.

I hope there is room for being passionate when one is even-keeled!

A few of my favorite things

I've been away -- and while it's good to be back, I have to say that I really, really enjoyed being away.

A few of my favorite things from the past few days...

Trees nearly in bloom .... runners .... soft breezes .... hot sunshine .... looking up into blue, blue sky at beautiful buildings ... a single, decadent chocolate-covered strawberry ... reading without interruption ... walking and walking and walking .... feeling like I fit .... reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee ... watching people .... tears on my cheeks .... being anonymous .... flying .... street vendors with lovely flowers ... shopping .... massage .... exotic food .... spending time alone .... sitting down and just sitting ... exploring ... laughing .... dreaming .... discovering hidden places ... not having a reason to check my e-mail .... smiling at strangers .... reconnecting with people .... chocolate on a park bench .... having poetry re-enter my mind ... re-discovering passion for life .... not being scheduled ....

Away

I'll be away for a few days.... hope you are all well.

Blog with you next week,
Pink Shoes

Baseball memories

The one baseball t-shirt I owned, circa 1987, had Puckett on it. The only baseball card I've ever owned -- it's still on our fridge -- is a Puckett card.

Kirby Puckett died today.

May he rest in peace.

Do it well

If you haven't already seen it or read it, there's a pretty good article in the most recent (March 2006) issue of Sojourner's about church music. I've gone back to it a couple of times and it speaks to me.

When I interviewed for my current call they asked me a question about my musical style. I responded by saying that whatever you do, do it well -- and be authentic about who you are. Experiment, certainly. Try new things, certainly. But I gravitate toward music that's done well. They might have thought I was dodging the question, which I was to a certain extent, but ultimately I spoke my truth.

I'm not looking to debate church music or worship style. I'm just starting to rearticulate what I think about how worship should be -- taste, sound, smell, look, experience. With our whole bodies, we should praise the Lord.

More to come.

Serious and not so much

Things that in and of themselves could be whole posts for me:

At what point do I start looking "old enough" to be a pastor?

We are out of redi-whip. Completely. Out. Of. Redi-whip. Fortunately there was enough for my ice cream tonight.

I never expected that I would ever change a diaper on my office floor and subsequently end up with baby poop all over.

You know those nights when you hoped that whatever you hadn't learned all semester would magically enter your brain for the test tomorrow? I'm hoping that my sermon enters my mind tonight while I'm asleep... because it has successfully avoided it while awake.

Good night.

Clickety-tackety

I've managed to complete a number of little tasks this morning -- ordering a Bible study resource, making some calls, completing some registrations, etc. Some days I feel like I get so mired down that I can't complete even the most mundane tasks -- it's good to have a day when I actually feel semi-productive. Although my sermon isn't done (started?), the prayers aren't written and I'm not prepared for the adult forum... HA!

The actual best part of the morning? Making my colleague laugh so hard that he was still laughing when he left my office and laughing still minutes later -- I think he actually had to dry his eyes he was laughing so hard.

There's something distinctly satisfying to hear the keys of the keyboard moving quickly beneath my fingers -- whether it's when chatting with a friend, or writing a sermon or a blog. The sound of progress... clickety-tackety, clickety-tackety.

75/1000

This is my 75th post.

Today I had my 1,000th visitor since installing a sitemeter.

#1000 was a lovely (I'm sure of it, even though the person left no comment...) person from Ohio, and that's all I'll say.

Thanks to all who visit and who comment.

Peace, tears, love and laughter,
Pink Shoes

Under my desk

I've kicked off my shoes under my desk. It's just easier to do things without 2 1/2 inch heels, even if they look great.

After worship at noon, I did a few random things in my office -- responding to e-mails, turning in bulletin drafts, etc., and then went to lunch. My favorite Thai restaurant down the street has a great lunch special and because I was there late today, the place was empty. I stopped at the resale shop next door and found some pjs for the Baby Boy and a sweater for myself.

And now I feel the need to really get down to business about my Lenten devotion or disicpline. I don't have one, except the need and desire for one. I've given things up before -- coffee, chocolate, candy, etc., but that holds little spiritual appeal this year. I think I'll try to create something -- something that I can hold between my hands and turn over, something that requires me to take materials and assemble images and words, something that I can point to when it's done, something that I can complete.

Of course there are other, more pressing things that I need to do -- phone calls and meetings and confirmation and finding the prayer requests that I have somehow misplaced. But those things exhaust me. And I'm feeling a little worn out today, a little depleted, a little drained.

Perhaps I'll join my shoes under my desk!

Dry Need

When I baked bread
my hands kneaded the dough until,
oiled to gleaming beauty,
it rested snugly above warmth,
rising to give strength

At the end I would rub my hands together
shedding the bits of dough
water sliding off my skin in droplets

Tonight my hands are dry
chapped and cracking at the seams
no amount of oil
can make them supple

I need something elemental
to sink my hands into
creating other in the heat

Change

I posted the last part of this briefly yesterday and then took it down because I wasn't sure that it really made any sense (not that blog entries have to make sense or that it does now), but I'm reposting it because I've thought a little bit more about what was actually going through my head.

In the meantime, I've lost track of the number of times I've checked my email today (I know, I know -- I just keep hoping for something exciting!), the number of nosebleeds I've had in the past few days (yes, I have a humidifier), the number of times that I've told the dog to get off the couch (this is almost a lost cause, though he's on the floor next to me now).

My world is going to change a lot in the next couple of weeks and I suspect that I'll blog about the events that transpire a lot when they actually happen. And, even though I've known about this impending change and transition for awhile, it's not the same as going through it. I knew that I'd have to go through labor from the moment I got pregnant, but that was nothing like actually going through it. So, for now I spend a lot of time thinking about change and transitions. I had originally framed this with thoughts of the transfiguration and that's partially where I'm still at -- that when we go through changes and transitions there's always a part of us that wants to stay on the mountain-top instead of mucking through the valley or trudging across the plains.

Regardless of what it's all about, I've done a lot of thinking recently about transfigurations in my own life -- times that I've changed and things that have changed me and that I remember -- moments in time that stick with me though years have passed and many more moments have come and gone.

I stayed up talking with a boy (we were 20, maybe 21, and yes, that's all we were doing) one summer night long enough to see the sun set and rise again. We were in a land far to the north so the time between darkening dusk and lightening dawn was shorter than I'd ever experienced it before and the moment when the sky stopped getting darker and started getting lighter sticks with me over ten years later -- I probably thought at the time that this was significant on some sort of cosmic level. Now I simply see it for the beauty of friendships, the grace of God and the gift of understanding. Staying up talking with friends into the wee hours is still one of my favorite thing to do.

Travel and love and sadness have all changed me. Being told that I was beautiful by a stranger as I waited for a city bus changed me; the snow fell around me and I wore a fur bomber-style hat. Harsh words and tender glances and feet gently caressing one another have changed me. Filling sandbags and pruning hedges and being the last car through before the interstate closed has changed me. Dancing in a barn and cheering for competition (D-D-D Defense) and shouldering a gun has changed me. None of these things seemed particularly remarkable at the moment of doing them; some of them remain unremarkable still except that they have molded me in who I have become.

What has changed you?

Disjointed about Friends

I feel like I have a few friends -- not a ton, but usually I feel like I have enough. I feel blessed to have the friends that I have -- those far away, those nearby, those who are guys and those who are women. I like people who are honest, who are smart, attractive, funny -- and then I start sounding like a snob. It's actually all about the connection -- can we talk for hours about everything and nothing over coffee or wine or gin? Do I get excited when I see you or hear from you? And after we've moved away from each other can we still have breakfast when you stop to see me with little incident?

I don't know what I would do without two of my ecumenical colleagues -- with these folks I am able to vent, collaborate, discuss, share a meal, and be assured that the future of the church, if it rests with us, is going to be OK. When I am with them I am NEVER too young to be a pastor.

I am positively in love with the following women in my life: my short-haired friend who first called me "Sassy Pastor;" the dramatic woman who asked me *in the narthex* *on my third Sunday at my congregation* if *dramatic whisper* if she was going to go to hell if she didn't believe that Jonah wasn't really swallowed by a whale; and the fashion plate who recently told me that she was coveting my shoes during communion the other morning. Oh, yeah.

It's good to have friends, indeed it is.

Crumbs in the Butter

A few years ago I read a book about the "refrigerator rights relationships" that we as a culture (whatever that really means) no longer have. As in, how many people in your circle of friends have "refrigerator rights?" I have a lot of people whom I would offer anything from my fridge, but few (precious, precious few in the area) who know that they can open my fridge when I'm standing there and take something.

We use "tub margarine" or some-such spread. Neither one of us is particular about whether or not there are crumbs in the butter -- the tell-tale sign of double-dipping for your toast. Similar to refrigerator rights, I realized, is that tub of butter-stuff -- there are a few close friends who see the crumbs, probably fewer who feel comfortable leaving their own. Some of this is because we rarely have overnight or brunch company, and those who do stay over are among those with rights.

Why am I thinking about this tonight? *giggles* Well, because I'm indulging in a little snack of wafers with frosting and found myself double-dipping and leaving some crumbs in my tub o' frosting. I'm really the only one who does this in the family, so I'm not concerned. My remedy for the situation? To get another wafer and scoop the 'offending' crumbs.... mmmm. Yummy.

Blogging Manners

It's one of those Friday nights -- DH is gone on retreat with his confirmation kids, so at home it's me, the dog (chewing a rawhide) and the baby (snoring through the monitor). Even though I'm not really worried about being alone, I jump at little noises and wish the dog were bigger, somehow more menacing.

All of this aside, between watching the Olympics and creating a "child of God" box for friends whose baby girl is being baptized tomorrow night, I'm surfing the internet. I visit my standard sites, the ones I visit many times a day (just in case these brilliant folks have posted something new), Google myself (both my real name and my blog) just to see what's out there, check my web-based e-mail, and then follow links randomly on the aforementioned favorite sites.

Following links is a great procrastination tool, but also one that I don't indulge in all that often -- like the full-fat coffee/whipped cream/caramel/chocolate goodness drink from my local barista. Which brings me to this post.

When jumping from link to link to link, I'll happen upon a blog that touches me in that "Wow, that's really cool" or "Wow, I think this person and I have a lot in common and he/she uses words in a clever, creative, fabulous way." I move my mouse to click "comment" and then I stop.

Who am I to comment on this woman's beautiful child without feeling like a stalker and making her feel all freaky about posting pictures online? Even though her child and my child are merely days apart and she writes beautifully?

What could I say to this person who has captured my interest for longer than I'd like to admit, and yet it's clear that I'm not the intended reader?

Daily I have people who visit my site because they searched "pink shoes." Most of them (from what sitemeter reports) skim a page and then probably leave. A few look around for at least a couple of minutes and then move along.

What is the protocol for commenting? Whose sites do you comment upon? What moves you to comment on a "new site?"

I'm just curious -- it's one of those Friday nights -- dog chewing, baby snoring.

Coffee Cup Update

Of the 5 dirty cups from yesterday (see "clear signs" below):

5 were washed this morning

2 have been returned to their respective homes within the church building

2 sit clean on my table

1 is full of steaming coffee on my desk

Friday Five

Winter Olympics Friday Five
1) Which of the Winter Olympic sports is your favorite to watch?
I have many, actually .... but I enjoy many of the non-ice skating events, particularly luge and skeleton. The snowboard cross competition, a new event, had me mesmerized yesterday.

2) Do you speak Snowboardese?
Um, no. However, it's really fun to listen to my husband (who has maybe never been on even skis in his life) make it up.

3) Define Nordic Combined. Don't look it up. Take a guess if you must.
It's a ski race that is a combination of cross country and downhill (although not in the big hill sort of way). Part way through the race skiers change skis for the hillier part of the track.

4) Curling. Please discuss.
If you look at the listing of where the curlers come from, majority if not all, are from Minnesota. My home state. It's like bocce ball on ice if you could flatten the grass in front of the ball like you can smooth the ice in front of the rock. Don't knock it until you've tried it. It's harder than it looks and our local pbs station would broadcast curling tournaments for the minnesotans and the canadians, because it wasn't all that far to our friendly neighbors to the north.

5) If you could be a Winter Olympics Champion just by wishing for it, which sport would you choose for winning your Gold Medal?
If I also got the fitness to along with it? Probably one of the aforementioned -- luge or skeleton, or maybe bobsled.

Clear Signs

Just when I think that I have a few things under control.... I look around my office and think, "Huh..."

Some clear signs to me that I don't have "things" under control:

Number of coffee cups in my office that need to be washed: 5

Number of those coffee cups that have needed to be washed for more than a week: 3

Number of uncapped pens on my desk: 4

Number of CDs out of their cases on my desk: 3

Number of phones calls that I don't want to make: 5

Number of those phone calls that I really need to make today: 3

Number of things that I would rather be doing than working: 6 that I can think of immediately

Number of blogs that I'll read before actually doing anything at work: 5 or 6, possibly more

Number of pieces of chocolate cake I had for breakfast: 1 (which is not to say that I won't have more for lunch)

And, just so you don't think that I'm so completely down on myself ---

Signs that I do have things together:

The clothes that I'm wearing are clean

I got the Baby Boy dressed (also in clean clothes!) and ready before I left

I've already led a Bible study and read to pre-schoolers

I might actually cook tonight

Happy Valentine's Day

I'm not feeling particularly happy or valentine-y this morning; it's important to keep perspective and to chin-up but ...

Why is it that everyone seems to need something from me? And it has to be RIGHT NOW? Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day... Because I wanted to spend breakfast in the customer lounge at my local car repair shop, lunch with a disgruntled parishioner, the evening with church council and every waking moment in between trying to get other reports and articles and done while people with their various levels of passsive aggressive bs ask for things.

End rant.

Preaching

When I sit down to write a sermon, some weeks it flows out of me like liquid from a pouring chalice – smooth and beautiful and lovely. Other weeks it falls out in clumps – not pretty, not graceful, definitely not something that you want others to see, let alone to intentionally share with others.

But Sunday morning comes regardless and sometimes I'm forced to admit that I climb the steps and face the people with a clumpy sermon instead of one that has been refined to perfection.

This week I really don't want to be clumpy. I want to have a sermon that's good – a sermon that I'm comfortable, even excited to preach.

I want to share the good news with enthusiasm and excitement – with clarity and grace. Part of me realizes that it's not about me – that preaching and standing up to proclaim the gospel is far from being about me and all about God and the Good News of Jesus Christ.

And it's in that realization I have to start writing.

Peace to all who preach.

I've been tagged!!

5 more things
It's that Five Meme.
Please feel free to use it as a procrastination tool.

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Than add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1. Lucy
2. Phantom Scribbler
3. Songbird
4. Juniper68
5. Pink Shoes

Next, select five people to tag.
WARNING: I'm cheating ...

1. If you read my blog but have never commented
2. If you found my blog by searching for actual footwear
3. If you are a boy (no age limit here)
4. If you live outside of the United States
5. If you want to play

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Going to college, trying to figure out what to do for the summer.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Preparing for Lent.

Five snacks you enjoy
1. Canned frosting and graham crackers
2. Fruit -- strawberries, grapes, watermelon
3. Cookies, chocolate chip, please
4. Animal crackers (also good with frosting...)
5. Scones (not really a 'snack,' I guess...)

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics
1. I know that there are at least five, but I'm absolutely terrible with titles and the like.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
1. Pay cash for a nice car -- like a Mercedes station wagon. I know, I'm a nerd.
2. Eliminate my debt
3. Buy a piece of land for vacations
4. (How many millions do I have here....?)
5. Buy a house?

Five bad habits
1. Losing my keys.
2. Being cranky or snippy for no real good reason
3. Thinking that no one believes I am actually a pastor, even my congregants
4. Procrastinating... really, really procrastinating
5. Browsing the web (see 4)

Five things you like doing
1. Reading
2. Crunching through the leaves in the fall
3. Traveling
4. Preaching
5. Making the Baby Boy laugh


Five things you would never wear again
1. Leg warmers
2. Braces
3. Short-shorts ... just not gonna happen
4. Bright lipstick
5. Anything with a peplum

Five favorite toys
1. Play doh
2. My digital camera
3. Full-size weber grill
4. iTunes
5. Paper and ribbons

What's really important?

In an attempt to overcome the overwhelming sense of dread that I get from my office, the laundry room, the kitchen, etc., I'm trying to figure out exactly what is important to me. This isn't a definitive list, nor is it entirely serious, but it's what's coming to mind. I figure it's worthwhile to think about these things occasionally so that I don't go completely crazy.

So, continuing the perpetual state of discernment, here are some things that are important to me:

... Having time to read at the end of the day.

... Having enough money to pay the bills.

... Not feeling guilty for taking 10 minutes to stop for coffee before going to the office.

... Being surrounded by people who value time and recognize the value of others' time.

... Seeing pretty things every day.

... Not being overwhelmed by life.

What's important to you?

Flurry of prayer requests

It's been one of those days, O Lord, when the petitions fly through the air like snowflakes.

... for my mother's cousin
... for the family of a college friend who died at 32
... for a friend whose congregation knows conflict far too well
... for friends who are new parents and worried about their baby girl
... for whatever else that you know that we need O, Lord...

Amen.

Sassy Pastor and Buy of the Night

Having survived yet another illness, another retreat and my second annual congregational meeting, what do I remember from the past seven days?

Being called "Sassy Pastor."

I like it.

So, Sassy Pastor went to Target tonight with Baby Boy.

The buy of the night?
A box of 8 martini glasses for $4.98.
Sassy Pastor bought two boxes.
Cheers.

Magazine Meme

Based on my post below, I'm curious about your magazine reading habits --

Do you read magazines?

Do you keep them once you've read them? Recycle them? Donate them to the library or a resale shop?

What do you read that you recommend to others?

Do you read denomination or craft or vocation-specific magazines?

Where do you get them? Do you subscribe? Read them at the library? Buy them at the newstand or bookstore?

Oooo... Maybe I'll discover a new magazine.... I can hardly wait!

Scheduled Outage and Organization

When I logged into blogger just now it told me about a scheduled outage that they're having. Clearly I wasn't going to blog about that, as I didn't know about it.

However, as I blow my nose and rub my eyes, I desperately wish that I could schedule my outages. After being sick for what feels like all of January, I'm tired of outages. This feels like a pretty standard "common cold" but still crummy.

In my quest to be more organized this year, I've been doing some reading on simplifying and organizing. Funny, isn't it, that instead of doing it, I'm reading about doing it. Ah, yes.

Someone recommended paring down the magazine subscriptions that one gets. Of all the horrifying suggestions that I've read, this maybe takes the cake. It's true that I don't read everything that we get, but I can't imagine not getting them. There are two that I will let lapse this next year. One because in all the years I've gotten a certain cooking magazine, I've only once made one of the light recipes that they tout -- and then I added extra goat cheese to the recipe, so it probably didn't negated everything. And, the other because I feel bad when I read it and it seems that there's enough things in my life that make me feel bad.

So, with that, I'm off to read Real Simple at lunch. Cheers.

Five Pleasures of My Life

In no particular order -- and clearly not the only pleasures in my life!

1. Nice pens. I just bought some new ones this morning and they're dreamy -- Colored Foray roller tips (pink, orange, green, purple, etc.) and more serviceable Pilot Precise v5s in blue, black, red, but also purple and green with a bonus Pilot PreciseGrip pen.

2. A massage or a massage chair pedicure. Enough said. It's been far too long.

3. Joseph Schmidt truffles. The perfect gift when boxed.

4. A flight of wine with cheese.

5. A quick-read book from the library

And sometimes I don't

love the people whom I serve.

I thought about posting this last night, but I was still steaming -- after venting to my Dear Colleague and later to my Dear Husband. Nearly 24 hours later, I'm not really steaming anymore and can sort of laugh it off (until it happens again) but I'm not ready to let it go, so I'll post it here...

Context: It's late afternoon and I'm in my office at the end of the hallway. My colleague's office is next to mine, but he's not in it. I'm finishing up a few things and mentally preparing to transition to two back-to-back off-site meetings.

I hear someone coming down the hall and welcome the distraction. Sweet Liza (not her real name), whose daughter is a pastor, sticks her head in my office and then in Dear Colleague's office and then back in mine says,

"I thought I saw the pastor come down here, but I guess not. Maybe you can help me..."

Even just writing it down makes me get a little bubbly around the edges, because evidently in this context you have to be over 60 and A MAN to be a PASTOR... For the record, it'll be ANOTHER 30 years before I think about hitting 60 and I'll NEVER be a MAN....

Her request?

Whether or not the nursery could use a play-pen. Clearly she needed to talk to The Pastor.

Where was The Pastor during this exchange?

In the kitchen.

That part makes me smile.

New Song Obsession

I know it's a little bit cheesy, but every time I've seen the ad for "Boston Legal" this past week, with special guest Michael J. Fox, I've gotten a little weepy.
I openly cried once, just during the ad. Part of it is the personal cultural impact of Fox as an actor, part of it is the song that they chose to accompany the ad and the scene.
I obsessively searched for it tonight, scouring "boston legal" websites and searching for snippets of lyrics. Isn't the internet a great thing?
After I found it, I bought it from iTunes and am now listening to it on repeat.
In case you're wondering, the song is Warren Zevon's "Keep Me in Your Heart for A While" from his album, "The Wind."
He finished the album after being diagnosed with cancer.

The Four Meme, slightly edited

Four Jobs I've Had in My Life (before being a pastor)
Broasting chicken
Selling books
Nanny
Waiting tables


Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over, and Have
Beautiful Girls
Whalerider
Love Actually
Life as a House

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch
Will and Grace
Law and Order
The Today Show
The News

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation
Antigua, Guatemala
Galena, IL
Southern California
North Shore, Lake Superior, Minnesota Side

Four Favorite Foods
Zuppa Toscana at Olive Garden
Thin crust pizza
My dad's chocolate chip cookies
Bleu Cheese Burger

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now
Target
A wine tasting
Reading in a cabin on a lake
Listening to Barbara Brown Taylor

Travelin' Five

Edited to provide some rationale and changed to be able to provide the reasoning without giving up some anonymity.

In no particular order, five places that I've been that have been important to me...

1. Bountiful, Utah -- because I was lost.

2. Norway -- because it forced me to get a passport, which needs renewing this year.

3. Honolulu -- because it made me feel glamorous. Until I got so sunburnt on my backside the day before I left that it hurt to sit down for the entire flight home. And it's a long flight from Hawaii to the midwest.

4. Lewiston, Maine -- because it was to see a boy who was a summer fling who should have stayed a summer fling.

5. San Juan Capistrano, CA -- because it was to see a boy who wasn't a summer fling but maybe should have been.

Sisters

I've always wondered what it would be like to have a sister.

I'm the only girl in a two-child family.

My brother and I are quite a few years apart and have never really developed that sibling bond. We're both far more like only children than kids who had a sibling. We live in different states and see each other for the occasional holiday that our schedules allow. I wouldn't call us close.

I see sisters in worship and think how lucky they are. I read the blogs of sisters and idealize their relationship -- thinking that the comments they leave one another and the references they make to one another are beautiful examples of what it means to be family. I know that it's not always that way and that there is plenty of strife that probably comes along with having a sister or two.

I know that I am guilty of idealizing the relationships that other families have -- whether sisters or brothers or simply close siblings -- while ignoring or at least minimizing the fights and name calling and bitterness that sometimes exists between siblings. And, that more than a sister, I want that ideal relationship with a sibling that doesn't really exist.

However, when I say it in my mind, it comes out like a little child petitioning a parent, "I want a sister."

Some random thoughts for the morning

Although I realize that it's already afternoon, in my mind it's morning -- because after a 3+ hour council meeting and a darling Baby Boy who decided to get up twice in the very short time between when I got home and when daylight broke, my DH took BB to daycare this morning and I went back to bed ... I feel somewhat like a slacker because I then slept until nearly 11, but I need to remind myself that a) I was really sick last week AND b) I'm at church three evenings this week AND c) I'm on an overnight retreat with confirmation students Friday and all day Saturday AND d) just because my colleague is a workaholic doesn't mean that I need to be, too.

So, onward and upward with some other random thoughts --

I love stamps -- good ol' postage stamps. Without any commentary on rising postage costs, stamps are one venue in which pretty and interesting doesn't cost more.

Tidying the piles on my desk makes me feel like I've cleaned. I realize it's only on the surface, but it makes me feel better.

It would be helpful to look at the texts for this weekend, as I'm preaching and there is that aforementioned confirmation retreat that will suck the life out of Saturday.

I hope you all are well.

Well

It's been a really long time since I've been as sick as I was this week.

I hope that it's a long time before it happens again.

I don't dare to venture that I'm 100% yet, but I'm back to work, for at least part of the day. And it doesn't hurt to swallow anymore.

These are all good things.
Thanks to all for the well wishes. I'm on the mend.