Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Let it

I just keep thinking, I have to let it go. And I do. Which isn't to say that I will, or that I have. Only that I recognize that I have to. Ugh. I hate that feeling. 

My mentor and I talked at length about this tendency to hold onto things and obsess about them, to let myself have the grace that I would give to someone else, to see that I deserve/need/am worthy of/do indeed receive grace even when I don't usually afford it to myself. 

Why can I preach about God's grace, but I have such a hard time feeling it myself? Maybe I'm OK with God's grace, it's grace for myself that I somehow am too stingy about? 

Let it go, let it go, let it go. 


P.S. an after-thought said...

The pop psychologist is in the office: Now then, I don't know if you are rehashing something you've done or something done to you or whatever, but as an obsessor myself, I can tell you what my counselor told me. He used a lot of visual metaphors, which really helped me because the high faluting psyco-babble just didn't do me any good.

I was sitting in a chair in his office, facing the door. He partially opened the door. He said, "now look at and through the door. That is the way forward. Now look backward toward the wall. See that crack in the wall? You are looking back at the wall and examining the crack, reexamining the crack, talking about the crack, blaming the crack, and telling people about the crack. Unless you look forward, you can't move forward toward the future."

For me, rehashing about things turned on the depression switch. This metaphor helped me recognize when I was starting on an unhealthy thought pattern.

Maybe this isn't what you are talking about at all. If you are meaning something that needs forgiveness, then remember that Jesus said Forgive 7 X 70. I don't take that as symbolic for "completely," but rather I take that as literal for "many times." (
With God's help.) Over and over until the grip on you fades away.

May the touch of God surround you in this very day with the touch of someone who cares about you.

[and may you forgive me if this has overstepped boundaries.]

Pink Shoes said...

thank you.

Mrs. M said...

ditto. good grief, ditto. if you discover the magic formula, please let me know.

more cows than people said...

wow. i share your struggle so often. i've found myself giving myself so much more grace than usual in the last week though, and I'm not sure how that happened... may it be so for you too.

bless you.

Singing Owl said...

Me too. God loves and forgives everyone except me. Goofy, isn't it?