Disappearing

Without going into un-necessary details, a crappy thing happened in the office this morning -- the kind of thing that makes me doubt my entire calling and the worth of the church around me; the kind of thing that makes me wonder if my pseudo-retired colleauge will ever leave; the kind of thing that made me so angry that I shook and then wanted to cry and then got angry with myself for being so close to tears and through it all wanted to slam my door and quite possibly break something; the kind of thing that has consumed me the rest of the day and made me very, very unproductive. It was a little thing really to have sucked so much of my energy.

I give thanks to the two friends who heard the inital force of my anger and frustration and sadness about what seems currently like a hopeless situation, but probably isn't.

Now, near the end of the day I find myself wanting to disappear. I joked with someone that if I showed up on their doorstep (several states away) to give me a drink (or six) and then tuck me quietly into the guest room and let me sleep until everything was all better. Ahem, nothing like a little avoidance.

Now, I crave the soft comfort of someplace familiar and gentle, someplace where no one will ask me questions and I won't be responsible for anyone or anything. I would simply like to disappear, resurfacing someplace else where things are calmer.