Thursday, June 01, 2006

Disappearing

Without going into un-necessary details, a crappy thing happened in the office this morning -- the kind of thing that makes me doubt my entire calling and the worth of the church around me; the kind of thing that makes me wonder if my pseudo-retired colleauge will ever leave; the kind of thing that made me so angry that I shook and then wanted to cry and then got angry with myself for being so close to tears and through it all wanted to slam my door and quite possibly break something; the kind of thing that has consumed me the rest of the day and made me very, very unproductive. It was a little thing really to have sucked so much of my energy.

I give thanks to the two friends who heard the inital force of my anger and frustration and sadness about what seems currently like a hopeless situation, but probably isn't.

Now, near the end of the day I find myself wanting to disappear. I joked with someone that if I showed up on their doorstep (several states away) to give me a drink (or six) and then tuck me quietly into the guest room and let me sleep until everything was all better. Ahem, nothing like a little avoidance.

Now, I crave the soft comfort of someplace familiar and gentle, someplace where no one will ask me questions and I won't be responsible for anyone or anything. I would simply like to disappear, resurfacing someplace else where things are calmer.

11 comments:

Sally said...

know how you feel- hope all is calmer and more peaceful now

Katherine said...

Oh, my. I certainly hope things get better. You have my prayers and my sympathies.

Quotidian Grace said...

So sorry, Pink Shoes. Hope things seem better in the morning.

Songbird said...

(((pink shoes)))

Pink Shoes said...

Thanks all -- some days are just crummy... and, as always, tomorrow's another day!

net said...

sorry, pink shoes! holding you up in prayer.

Kathryn said...

Belated hugs from me too...do hope today is better xx

reverendmother said...

(o)

Sue said...

Hugs to you pink shoes.

see-through faith said...

(((hugs))) it can only get better! And remember God is in control though at the time it's so hard to believe that sometimes isn't it?

RevHRod said...

Dear Pink Shoes-

I am so sorry that you're having a tough go. And yes, Scarlett O'Hara was right. "Tomorrow is anuthah day!" And yet, what will it bring?

I pray that God will give you the strength that you need, the courage to say what you have to, and the patience to know which dogs to fight and which ones to quietly step around.

Hang in there!